This isn't the kind of memory you'd want to cherish forever, so when I made the choice to explore this subject, I found myself sitting here for quite some time, reflecting on all the instances of bullying I've experienced throughout my life. To be honest, there have been more occasions than I care to acknowledge. However, if I were to look back on my earliest encounter with bullying, it would be from when I was in 4th grade. I can confidently say that my first bully (or bullies) happened to be the most awful kind—the kind who pretends to be your friend.
I don’t remember much about them (when I say them, it’s because it was 2 girls). One girl was smaller and scrawny like I was, and the other one was a little bit more heavyset. From what I remember they were kind of tom-boyish, aggressive girls but they weren't mean to me right away. Then, one day out of the blue mid-recess the skinny girl decided to punch me with full force in the stomach. With a confused look on my face, I didn't say a word. She said she was “kidding around”. The next thing I knew, the bigger girl punches me just as hard if not harder in the stomach. They both laughed and not knowing whether or not they were really kidding, I laughed too. I guess I could have told someone. A teacher, my parents, but at the time I just wanted the thought of it gone. It’s safe to say I didn't hang out with those girls that much after that day.
Unfortunately, I ran into this type of bully again in 5th grade, at a different school. At least this time, I wasn't getting punched in the stomach. Not for the first or even second or third time in my life, I was the new kid at school, the awkward scrawny dark-haired girl, smack dab in the middle of the year. I was befriended by one of the girls who had gone there since Pre-K, so automatically that made her one of the “popular kids”. Months go by and I notice that this girl’s friend group hadn’t really come to accept me as much as she had, so I did my best to keep to myself.
One day, I had just finished up with my lunch and headed over to my backpack to get my Lunchable’s Oreo dessert (in case you don't remember those, here's a refresher). To my surprise, it wasn't in there. I walked inside to our classroom to ask my “friend” if had seen it or knew where I may have left it, she expressed some concern and said she didn’t know, but my intuition told me otherwise. So, against my better judgment, I went back outside, over to her backpack, unzipped it and what do you think I find, opened and half-eaten? Although this encounter wasn't as serious or painful as my last one, it was just as annoying and confusing.
Why would these kids who started out as my friend, who acted so accepting, end up being so vicious? Why wouldn’t you just punch me or steal my dessert from the beginning? Little did I know I just getting a taste for the way things really were in life.
I could go on about all the types of bullies I've encountered in my life, that’s for another post. So I guess you could say my trust issues started somewhere around 4th grade. I’m not a perfect angel. I have hurt people in the past, and I have made plenty of mistakes. I could blame them on what I went through as a kid but that would be making an excuse. But now that I realize the reasons I act the way I have at times, it really helps me understand a lot more about myself.
We can’t stop everyone from being mean and bullying other people. But we can stop ourselves from repeating the same patterns and start spreading love and kindness. Just as smiles are contagious, acts of kindness can actually have the same effect & it takes less energy to just be nice than it is to be bitter and mean all the time.
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